Chuck Norris doesn't hunt because hunting implies failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris opened a Facebook account on Myspace.
When Chuck Norris was a baby he roundhouse kicked the TeleTubbies - that's why they talk the way they do.
You don't want to play poker against Chuck Norris. Cause even if you have a better hand, Chuck Norris has a better fist.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
If you put "Chuck Norris" into Google a message appears saying "BEHIND YOU!".
Because everyone knows you don’t search for Chuck... he finds you!
Chuck Norris doesn’t own a clock. When he wakes up in the morning, he decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris was casted as the original Danny Tanner on Full House. Well, that was before the accident with the Olsen triplets.
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
The bible was originally entitled 'Chuck Norris and Friends'.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
The last time Chuck ejaculated, it ripped a hole in the ozone layer.
Chuck Norris once slapped Jesus for "making inferior wine". When Jesus turned the other cheek, Chuck finished him off with a good roundhouse.
If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
The opening scene to the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is based on dodgeball games that Chuck Norris played in school...
Chuck Noris only has two recognised speeds, Walk and KILL!
Dinosaurs once gave Chuck Norris a dirty look..ONLY ONCE.
Chuck Norris made a mistake once, just to see what it’s like.
Chuck Norris doesn't solve Rubik's cubes. They solve themselves through fear.
Chuck Norris doesn't get girls numbers. He simply calls any random number and that bitch better be there.
Chuck Norris survived an abortion.
Chuck Norris doesn't fly in planes. He tells gravity when to let go and it fucking does it or else...
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
The gun is a lesser imitation of Chuck Norris spitting.
Chuck Norris doesn’t take showers, the dirt just jumps off him.
God created the earth, on the 7th day Chuck Norris took over.
The Force is not with Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris is with the Force.
God wanted to create the earth in 10 days, Chuck Norris gave him 6.
Chuck Norris needs a stuntman. For the scenes where he cries.
There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.
Recent studies deny the Big Bang theory: it was just a roundhouse kick.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the fuck out of the way.
Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
Chuck Norris cannot predict the future; the future just better fucking do what Chuck Norris says.
Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery."
And one Bob Saget fact:
America's Funniest Home Videos originally showcased an hour of Bob Saget fucking neighborhood dogs.
Geen opmerkingen:
Een reactie posten